


Dreaming of Good Days

by steampunkunicorn



Series: Tian and Garto [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: And The Best Way He Sees To Do Good Is Through The Jedi, But He Wants To Be Good, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Introspection, Jedi Are Not Perfect, Neither is Anakin, Obi-Wan and Shmi Are Barely In This, Tatooine Slave Culture, Torn between two worlds, too many tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:15:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24676759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steampunkunicorn/pseuds/steampunkunicorn
Summary: Anakin tries to reconcile two very different teachings.
Series: Tian and Garto [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762063
Comments: 2
Kudos: 114





	Dreaming of Good Days

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't had much chance for writing lately, but I wanted to add to my series a bit more. So, I cobbled this together over the last few nights before bed. Enjoy!

As a child, he often wondered about his future. He had always dreamed of being free. The alternative was too depressing for anyone. He and Kitster spent many an afternoon discusiing possible futures as freemen. Sometimes, they were free due to luck, sometimes due to being chainstruck. The path to freedom itself was changeable, allowing them to imagine possibilities through every avenue. But, even their wildest imaginings, often including becoming pirates or becoming a priest of the Freedom Path, Anakin had never imagined training to become a Jedi. It was too fantastical. The Jedi were legendary, fighters of justice, of everything that was good and right.

Of course, the reality was different, but that was to be expected. Like anything that happened in reality instead of stories, there were good days and there were bad days.

The good days were wonderful, when he was able to learn anything he was interested in, when he could push his body and mind beyond limits he never knew he had, when he could go with his Jedi Master to different planets and help those in need, and when he knew he was another day closer to achieving all of his dreams—when he knew that his dreams were achievable.

The bad days were not that good. There were days when he had to resist the urge to push everyone’s limits, just to remember that he wouldn’t get blown up for it. There were days he had to remind himself that a Jedi Master was _Adem_ and not _Tato_ —never _Tato_. There were days where he knew if he acted out, he would be proving every doubt, every rumour, every excuse right and he would be forced to leave. He had to remind himself that there was nowhere to go, but that was okay because he was where he needed to be. Most bad days, he was able to remember all of this. But sometimes...

His mother had always been so proud of his passion, his love, his feelings of injustice. He had been proud at how she praised him for it.

_I named you, my heart. I wanted you to have the best part of me. The child inherits from the mother, after all._ She was the balm to his soul so many times, the end of the sandstorm that raged within him. He could honestly say that his mother carved out her heart and made him with it. He kept it hidden from the _Tato_ , of course. Any slave would have to if they wanted to continue to live. But anytime he was able to, she encouraged him. Nine years of such treatment, from his earliest memory, through his forming as a person, did not easily vanish.

Which might be why the bad days always felt worse.

“You know you acted wrongly, Padawan.”

“You must control your emotions.”

“You must release your feelings into the Force.”

“You must not let your attachments control you.”

_You must..._

_You must..._

_You must..._

He tried his best, quieting the voice that compared his behavior for the Jedi to his behavior for the Tato. He did his best to meditate (only adequate, no matter how hard he tried,) to keep calm and serene, to be the Jedi everyone expected him to be. That didn’t stop the sandstorm from raging, nor did it stop his emotions or his passions.

Nine years of encouraging him to be selfish, to live through passion, was always battling the years spent trying to unlearn it all and control them. Perhaps if he had a time when he could be free to—

He refused to let himself ever finish that thought. He was free. He had been for years. He could leave if he wanted to badly enough, without loss of limb, without the risk of death, and without having to run for the rest of his life.

He could find work as a mechanic. Or in a factory. Maybe even a security guard, given his training and fighting abilities.

But then he couldn’t help anyone. And the children of the suns would never walk the skies, like he had been able to.

So, he made himself forget the bad days. The days when he was stuck learning things he didn’t see the value of. The days when he had been told how to dress, how to act, how to think. The days when he hated himself for missing the known factor of his life on Tatooine.

“Anakin, are you even listening?” The annoyingly serene and forever patient voice of Jedi Master asked. He couldn’t help but wonder if the man even knew what anger felt like. That thought was pushed down. He would try to release it later. He should probably have done it then, but he still had to focus sometimes to do that and Obi-Wan wanted his full attention.

“Of course, Master.”

_Adem_ , not _Tato_ , a whisper reminded him. He hoped, one day, the thought wouldn’t be needed. It would just be assumed, be default. One day, the bad days would stop and he would be the perfect Jedi. He would free everyone and show them how to walk the skies.

One day...

But that day was not today. So, he had to focus and forget.

**Author's Note:**

> One of the first things I decided in my worldbuilding was the difference between an owner and a teacher in the Ankoon. I don't know why, but I keep getting this image of Anakin explaining to a former slave he meets on a mission as a Padawan that Obi-Wan wasn't that kind of Master. I might explore that interaction later. For now, I wanted to see how Anakin would learn to differentiate. I mean, the fall wasn't solely on Anakin or the Jedi, but there are bound to be misunderstandings that can only hurt the relationship in the long-run and lead to aiding the Fall. This is my longwinded explanation of Adem. It is the title of teacher/mentor/wise one in the slave language. Tato, as referred to in my previous ficlet, is a slaveowner.  
> The priest thing refers to the original concept I had when I decided not to do an epic about it. I like to imagine that the Freedom Path is an Underground railroad and the priests are those that run it, usually offering aid or spiritual guidance as those in need pass through, much like how an actual person of the cloth would provide Sanctuary in our universe (albeit, with very different requirements.)  
> The reference to walking the skies will get explained soon. I've referred to a deity called Walker of the Skies in my other ficlets, but haven't yet gone into detail. I promise I will soon.  
> Now, on to my borrowing. I've read of the Unfetterred. But, to me, that title seemed a bit off. It works in Fialleril's worldbuilding, but not in mine. So, instead, I refer to it as chainstruck. I also used the idea of a child born to a mother that's a slave is a slave as well, from history and I have seen it in other fics, though a specific one doesn't come to mind.  
> Hope you enjoyed this!


End file.
